April 27, 2010

I had a big realization the other day. I was sitting at home wishing that we had friends. Don't get me wrong we have friends. But some of them have moved away, some are still single and want nothing to do with married people, and some I've just completely lost contact with.

It's all my fault. I completely realize that. For the first time in my marriage I found myself longing for more company than just my husband.

We have also met friends in all of the wards we have moved into. In Houston we were too interested in seeing everything Houston had to offer. Plus the one time we tried to make friends there was that unfortunate incident with the antique chair. In this ward it seems like just as we were starting to make friends we were offered a job out of state so everyone knew we were leaving and wrote us off, and we didn't try too hard either. I have a few good friends in the ward. Emily and I take our babies on walks together and I love everyone in the Young Womens Presidency with me.

Our other obstacle seems to have been that we have family so close that there is almost always something going on. Not a bad thing at all. Just a part of the equation.

I realized that if we are going to be happy in California we are going to have to really extend ourselves and make sure to try and develop friendships as soon as possible. Maybe then we won't miss Utah and all that is familiar. Maybe we won't feel a big void in our life from moving away from our family... Maybe.

I'm looking forward to this new adventure we have in store. I'm looking forward to being "The Laudies" Not an extension of Ron and Shannon or Gary and Diane. I'm looking forward to the weather and all that there is to do there. I've heard the wards are great and I'm looking forward to meeting new people.

I'm looking forward to a lot of things. But I also realized some of my weaknesses that I have after being married. I never had this problem as a single adult. I always had a plethora of good friends. I've also recently realized I have an irrational fear that people don't really like me. (Or maybe rational, who knows) Sometimes I worry that people are only friends with us because they love Jon. It amazes me how marriage has changed me, or how life has changed me. I'm not sure which. I hesitate putting this out there because I'm not looking for anything. These are just realizations I've had about myself the last little bit.

4 comments:

  1. Carrie I love you and Jon solely because of you (I'm sure Jon is great since you're married to him and all, but it's all you :) ) I so know what you mean about single friends getting lost as well as those who don't have children and are married. Before you go which I know is super soon, it'd be great to do lunch if you have time let met know :)

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  2. I totally know what you are talking about! And we have been so busy and all anyone in our classes plans to do is go drinking anyway. I randomly command Daniel to invite people over because I need a party. But I can say that being away from old friends and family does make a huge difference--you'll be fine!

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  3. Here are some friend-making tips that Mike and I have unearthed in our attempts to be popular (okay, not lonely) in new wards:
    1. Invite people over for dinner - even if you're the new one. If you've got space, fill it with people! We had a barbeque with 4 families about 1 month after we moved to Ohio and it was great! People soon reciprocated and we made friends quick. Sundays are also easy days for people to do dinner.
    2. We have found the "easy targets" are those that live super close to you, or newlyweds with no kids. I know that sounds weird, but they're more likely to come over on the fly and just hang out and play games.
    3. Find the mother's groups! A lot of my close friends come out of hanging out at the park as we watch the kids play. Even though Shayla isn't running off with the other kids yet, take advantage of the chance to get out with the girls!
    4. Find others who also have no family nearby and make plans for holidays or babysitting exchanges.
    You guys are great! I'm sure you'll have no problem! Once you get settled, we'll have to find some excuse to come to come soak in the sun!

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  4. Thanks everyone I realized that I may have sounded a bit more down on myself than I actually am. I was just stating the fact that I haven't gone out of my way to make friends and it's all my fault. Part of the problem is that I am absolutely head over heels in love with my husband. The lack of adult interaction has just become increasingly apparent as I've been a stay at home Mom.
    I wasn't trying to have a pity party. so sorry! Just realizing I needed to make more of an effort to find friends.
    Love you guys!
    Lisa soon we'll be out closish to you and then we can party every once in awhile.

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