I had a big realization the other day. I was sitting at home wishing that we had friends. Don't get me wrong we have friends. But some of them have moved away, some are still single and want nothing to do with married people, and some I've just completely lost contact with.

It's all my fault. I completely realize that. For the first time in my marriage I found myself longing for more company than just my husband.

We have also met friends in all of the wards we have moved into. In Houston we were too interested in seeing everything Houston had to offer. Plus the one time we tried to make friends there was that unfortunate incident with the antique chair. In this ward it seems like just as we were starting to make friends we were offered a job out of state so everyone knew we were leaving and wrote us off, and we didn't try too hard either. I have a few good friends in the ward. Emily and I take our babies on walks together and I love everyone in the Young Womens Presidency with me.

Our other obstacle seems to have been that we have family so close that there is almost always something going on. Not a bad thing at all. Just a part of the equation.

I realized that if we are going to be happy in California we are going to have to really extend ourselves and make sure to try and develop friendships as soon as possible. Maybe then we won't miss Utah and all that is familiar. Maybe we won't feel a big void in our life from moving away from our family... Maybe.

I'm looking forward to this new adventure we have in store. I'm looking forward to being "The Laudies" Not an extension of Ron and Shannon or Gary and Diane. I'm looking forward to the weather and all that there is to do there. I've heard the wards are great and I'm looking forward to meeting new people.

I'm looking forward to a lot of things. But I also realized some of my weaknesses that I have after being married. I never had this problem as a single adult. I always had a plethora of good friends. I've also recently realized I have an irrational fear that people don't really like me. (Or maybe rational, who knows) Sometimes I worry that people are only friends with us because they love Jon. It amazes me how marriage has changed me, or how life has changed me. I'm not sure which. I hesitate putting this out there because I'm not looking for anything. These are just realizations I've had about myself the last little bit.