What not to say to your wife when she's pregnant

So we had dinner tonight with friends and I told them some of the amusing mistakes Jon has made this pregnancy. I told them I was tempted to write about it on the blog and they asked me to.
Lisa this one is for you.

This post is intended to help husbands out there from making the same mistakes. These comments from Jon were usually met with raised eyebrows, and a questioning look. If he didn't realize at that point the mistake he had made then I would make one of two statements: "Would you like to rethink that" or "What are you trying to say". At that point he had fair warning that he was on dangerous ground.

Here are some rules to follow:

1. The word "bigger" or any words like it are never good in ANY stage of pregnancy. Never, never, never, never, never.

For instance : "You're WAY bigger than so and so". Yes, unfortunately, this comment did happen. Twice. Poor Jon. Somehow it was meant as a compliment. Somewhere in this pregnancy he got confused with the idea that I wanted to be "bigger" than I was.

2. This brings me to my second point: When comparing her to another pregnant woman she always looks SO much better than any other woman does!

3. To clarify Jon's confusion on the "bigger" thing. Early in pregnancy I would often ask him if he could see my "baby bump" (This is a phrase that is good for all men to learn) The reason behind this was not a desire to be bigger but to clarify whether I looked fat or pregnant.

Trust me she knows more than you do that she is getting bigger. Using that word or any like it will have one of two side effects. She will either dissolve into a puddle of tears, or be angry, and you may find yourself on the couch for a very long time.

I am fully aware of the fact that every part of my body is bigger. From my face to my hands to my feet, and everything in between. I do not need anyone else to point it out to me. Unless there is a health concern related to the comment, it is probably best to just keep it to yourself.
Every girls hope is for the stomach to grow and nothing else. In fact, I would be perfectly happy if somehow the baby would grow without ME having to grow.

4. Don't make plans to go out of town the last month of her pregnancy. Jon and I agreed early on that come July we would stick around Utah county since I am a ticking time bomb. Sometime in June he made the mistake of telling his family that he thought it would be a great idea for the boys to go on a camping trip without consulting me. Suddenly I was put on the spot and he missed the fire in my eyes when I said, "Whatever. But if you miss the birth of your child it's your own fault."

Later we had a "discussion" that was our closest to getting in a fight ever. It ended with a nearly hysterical pregnant woman on the verge of tears saying: "I'm sorry that this pregnancy is so inconvenient for you." (If this isn't an obvious one the pregnancy is never more inconvenient for the man than the woman.)

Just avoid making plans and if you want to do something discuss it with her in private. This is a good rule to follow in marriage as well, not just pregnancy.

5. Never assume you know what she is going through, or that you could do it better. Her body is changing in so many ways so rapidly that there is no way that you have any understanding of what she is going through. Jon made the mistake of saying this to me in jest in front of his mother... For those who know Shannon you know that he escaped within an inch of his life.
A few nights later after overeating Jon made the comment something to the effect of how bloated and uncomfortable he felt. My response was "Welcome to my life"

6. Let her nest. Yes nesting is real. Don't think she can put it off until the last minute. First of all who knows when that last minute will be. Second I couldn't imagine trying to shop for everything the week before I'm due. Walking is excruciating at times. The pain I would feel from standing would have taken all of the fun out of shopping for little girl outfits.

This was another time when at between 7 and 8 months pregnant he once again had a nearly hysterical wife on his hands because every time I tried to buy something for the baby he told me to wait. In his brain we had more than enough time and he wanted to wait and see what we needed after the baby shower. In my mind she was coming and I had almost nothing.

7. Don't make fun of her early in pregnancy for standing in front of the mirror sideways and looking at her belly. By the end of pregnancy she'll be avoiding standing sideways in front of mirrors. She is excited for this new little thing and it's usually at this time that you may here her ask if you can tell she's pregnant. You will win big points if you look at her and say something like, "What a CUTE, LITTLE, baby bump." Before she asks.

8. Jon and I are near the same height. At some time late in pregnancy I started weighing more than him. (We aren't going to say when it happened just that it happened late in pregnancy) Trust me it was traumatic. Don't make fun of her. She already feels like an unattractive whale. If anything now is the time to put on the sympathy weight.

** one thing he did right was the next doctors visit when I was weighed I just looked at him and said "You don't want to know" He scored big points with me and the nurse when he said "I don't care. I think you're beautiful." Under her breath we heard her say "good answer". And it was.

In all fairness I haven't given my husband enough credit. Other than a few misplaced comments and a male mindset on money he really has been wonderful and supportive. What I'm not telling about are the countless back rubs and compliments he has made along the way. Along with so many simple acts of love and service that make him wonderful. A few mistakes here and there really aren't a big deal. Plus he lets me make fun of him on a blog.