Sometimes I love being a Mom and sometimes....

Sometimes I love being a Mom.

I love it when I walk in a room and her eyes light up and she starts squawking and waving her arms and legs frantically trying to get to me.

I love it when she wants to cuddle.

I love it when she learns how to do something new.

I love it when she smiles and when she laughs.

I love it when she breathes in really fast and it sounds like an asthma attack. Really she is just excited and likes the way it sounds.

I love watching her train of thought. She has such an expressive face.

I love bath time.

I love watching her sleep.

I love watching her try and figure how to use a toy, or a cup, or a spoon.

I love the face she makes when she thinks something is disgusting.

Some things I don't love though

I don't love her waking up at 3 am with a high fever and worrying about if she is ok.

I don't love that she has started solid foods. I was so excited for it at first, but the stuff that comes out of either end now is significantly more stinky.

I don't love that her new favorite toy is my hair or jewelry.

I don't love that I can't stay looking nice for more than an hour. She always brands me as a Mom in some way or another.

I don't love that there is always another load of laundry to be done. Sometimes I wonder how something so small can wreak havoc on so many things.

My list of things I don't love are so much smaller than what I do love. I still find myself looking at Jon and in amazement saying, "I just love this girl."

Sometimes I Think I'm Crazy

I especially think I'm crazy when I dream. Last night I had a dream that Jon was bathing Shayla and closed the shower curtain and walked out of the bathroom with her all alone. I heard her crying and went in to check on her and she had flipped onto her stomach and was crying. I snatched her up and held her to me calling for Jon, even using his full name. He refused to come...why? Because he was playing a video game. Best part it was for a class so it was his "homework". To get an "A" in the class you had to beat level 8 and he was working really hard on it.
Then I decided to leave Shayla with him again and he put her on top of the table on a blanket with her toys around her. I was so mad! It was right then that Shayla started fussing and I woke up and was so relieved it was a dream.

At least I'm not one of those people who hold a grudge after having a dream like that right? My favorite part was that he had to play a video game for school... I would take a class like that! What a waste of tuition!

I don't agree with Jon's post

Just so you all know... my husband does not suck at acting. He's just never done it before so he's getting a little more constructive criticism than the rest of us because we've taken classes and been in other productions. I happen to have a husband who is too hard on himself and thinks he should be a natural at everything. I sure do love him. He's putting up with a lot for me right now. Good thing we get to spend the time together doing something other than watching American Idol or Modern Family which has become my new favorite show. I like it even better than the office. I can SO relate!

Shayla has found a new power she holds over everyone she comes into contact with. She has figured out that if she reaches her arms up for people, wonder of wonders, they reach back and hold her. So she happily passes from one person to the next. She discovered this on Thursday when I took her to my sisters house. I was holding her and she reached for my sister. My jaw dropped. This child NEVER chooses someone else over me. She realized what she had done and immediately turned around searching for her Momma. Somewhere in all of this it turned into a game for her and she thinks it's absolutely fabulous.

My reaction when she did this was shock and a small feeling of rejection. I called Jon and told him I now know how he feels. It hurt my heart a little when I thought she loved someone else more all of a sudden. I sure love that girl. She's growing up too fast! Six months next Tuesday. The next thing I know I'll turn around and we'll be fighting over whether or not she can date boys. In my Dads words, "That girl will be Hell on wheels."

Wow.

I suck at acting. Period.

Finger update

I'm sure you've all been dying to hear how my finger is healing... I have no feeling whatsoever on the pad of my pointer finger. I actually think it's pretty funny. I showed it to the Secretary in our Young Womens, Emily, and said, "I burnt it really bad, there's no feeling." She said, "Yes, yes you did."

Well we've had an exciting week. The day I burnt off half my finger the washer also died. We had a funeral for it later this week. The only problem is I have a 5 month old baby... the next morning she woke up and had peed all over her bed. I had no more clean sheets. I almost dissolved in tears and told Jon we needed a washer TODAY! He complied after I found a washer AND dryer in really good shape for $75 on KSL. We then gave away our washer that had given up the ghost and sold our dryer for $60. We ended up only $15 worse off than before and our new ones are nicer than our old ones. I've been quite pleased with myself ever since.

Shayla has turned into an EXTREME mama's girl. When we leave her at my Mom and Dad's while we go to play practice my Mom hides behind a corner while we leave so she doesn't dissolve in her arms. This last Thursday she refused to eat the whole time she was there. As soon as I was there she took her bottle without any trouble. It feels good to be loved.

Unfortunately for Jon he doesn't get quite the same treatment. She hides in my shoulder when he walks in because she is afraid he will take her away... which he usually does. I guess if she could just hold on tighter, right? She does love him though and if I'm not an option she is so excited to see him when he comes around.

We've both been working on losing weight recently and so if you see me hobbling around I'm not hurt, just in pain from over doing it. I keep thinking it will get better at some point and then I make my work out harder... I think I see a problem.